When did we lose our civility?

Society seems to have experienced a seismic shift. It’s pretty well understood that somewhere along the way we have moved from a general sense of the public good, to a sense of me and me alone. Some of the simplest examples of this are key public figures, politicians and actors, who when caught in compromising positions, feel that the utterance of a mea culpa is sufficient penitence to right the wrong.

The whole idea spawns at least two lines of thought:
(1) rules don’t apply
(2) personal choices and personal lives are private

Let’s start with the concept of when rules do not apply?
When this topic comes up, our minds immediately go to public figures whose bad behavior seems to populate our various screens daily. Just think about the last time you heard of a politician taking a bribe in exchange for a vote? Or the business executives who take part in insider trading, knowing that company employees would be drained of their retirement savings? Or how could either of them think that they can use illegal drugs and then think that no one would find out?

It's easy enough to see why some people think the rules don't apply to them – money and power. But that isn’t looking at the bigger picture. The picture, or mirror, that shows all of us deciding which rules we will obey and which ones just don’t apply to us. “What,” you say. “I follow the rules, I submit my taxes on time every year.” And I say, yes you may, but I bet you routinely speed when driving your car, or how about pulling over to the side of the road in a no stopping zone to drop your kids off at school. These are rules we choose not to obey – obviously they don’t apply.

Is it a gross example of narcissistic behavior gone wild?
According to online definitions, narcissists display a self-grandiosity that causes a sense of entitlement. That does have a ring to it. In our zeal to raise self-confident, fulfilled individuals, have we also fed a self-focus, an egotism, a narcissism that leads you to believe you can do whatever you want? This lack of accountability, a sense of entitlement, sort of an unspoken sense that the rules do not apply to them?

Victim thinking pervades our life
It’s easiest to see this behavior first in children – they usually don’t know the finer points of subterfuge yet. According to an article in Psychology Today, whenever a child doesn’t want to take responsibility, it’s very likely they’ll present themselves as a victim. When your child says, “You don’t understand me,” that’s playing the victim. The article goes on to explain that what they’re really saying is, “I’m a victim of your misunderstanding." This behavior becomes more refined with age, but essentially it’s the same. We become adept at using "victem" strategies to rationalize our actions – “I drive faster because that’s the way everyone else does.”

Does "personal life" become an acceptable excuse?
The second part of this argument is that personal choices and personal lives are private. In other words, it doesn’t matter whether we commit an illegal act as long as it’s done in private, not in a public forum. That sort of thinking is just wrong. Is it okay to carry a loaded gun and shoot it off randomly? That’s what it’s like to drive a car while intoxicated. Or how about commit murder as long as no one finds out? This example is extreme, but I use it to illuminate a point. Again refering to the same article in Psychology Today, the core of victim thinking is the belief that if you’re a victim of something, then the rules don’t apply to you – if you’re a victim, you’re not responsible for the results of your actions. If you're not responsible, then you don't have to change anything: it's somebody else's fault. Is it that kind of thinking has led to the type of society that we seem to see around us today, in which no one takes responsibility for anything and everyone is a victim of some perceived injustice?

Not too long ago my husband and I were in New York where we spotted a sign in the back of an abandoned building somehow illuminated by a shaft of sunlight. Reading it had a profound effect on my life. The problem with being an adult is there is no one left to blame. Here's to a world where we finally become adult.

How Olympic performance helps brand Canada

Perhaps I should start this discussion with the question: is Canada “Cool”? And I would answer with “we’re starting to be.” There are a lot of people who would have a knee jerk reaction of “of course we are.” But in reality, we are not.

Yes Canadians have enjoyed an enviable position when travelling internationally, a level of acceptance that few others receive. But that was really living off the laurels of ancestors who fought in the 1st and 2nd world wars. Canada wasn’t cool – it was friendly, polite and dare I say – boring. Tourism numbers reflected it. Canada may have been a “safe” destination, but was certainly not on the top of anyone’s bucket list. Even immigrants came to Canada as a second or third choice behind countries like the USA or Australia. And remember, immigration is the backbone of all our hopes for the future.

International organizations have waffled on stats of Canadian coolness. A decade ago, The Economist, the weekly international affairs and news publication declared Canada "cool." However they reversed that laudatory declaration about 5 months ago.

A poll from social-networking site Badoo in 2011 had some bad news for Canadians: the results say the world ranks us among the least-cool nationalities. The poll asked 30,000 people in 15 countries to name the coolest nationality. Sadly Canada ranked among the least-cool nationalities, ranking fourth on that list behind the Belgians, Poles and Turks.

Not all news is bad, Canada is gaining on the Cool stage

Other statistics, however, are painting a different, more cohesive picture. In fact, it’s a pretty amazing time to be a Canadian. We are the envy of dozens of nations around the world. We've dodged the economic crisis that's rattled most of the world. We’re nice. We’re producing some amazing internationally recognized talent (of course they had to leave Canada to gain that fame). But most importantly, we have a country that is a great place to live.

Better Cities
Canadian cities continually rank as some of the top most livable cities in the world. In the most recent Mercer quality of living survey Canadian cities dominate North America’s top-five list. Ranking fifth globally, Vancouver tops the regional list, followed by Ottawa (14), Toronto (15) and Montreal (23).

Best Place To Do Business?
According to Forbes, Canada is the best country in the world to do business. We have a lower corporate tax rate, excellent infrastructure and a well-educated populace. Truthfully, if we tackled the issue of mass transit, we would do even better.

Social Mobility
According to the Huffington Post, Canada has greater social mobility. If you are born into the poorest 10 per cent, your odds of making it to the richest 10 per cent are considerably better in Canada than in the U.S. In other words, it's easier to realize the American Dream in Canada than it is in the U.S.

And this is having an impact what it means to be Canadian. We have stolen the limelight, projecting confidence that's making headlines globally. Which brings us back to our original question, does winning at the Olympics impact brand Canada and the answer has to be a resounding YES!

Fit for Life

This is the year of the fitness craze. And no, it’s not the 1980s and Groundhog Day. But this is the year where I’m hearing more and more people talking about making fitness and nutrition a much bigger part of their lives. Fueled by the realization that we are all getting older and possibly more importantly, that we are going to live longer, people are filing into gyms and nutritionists’ offices at unprecedented rates.

Nothing new you say, it’s the same every New Year. True, but this year feels different. Even Forbes commented on the increasing value of the VMS (Vitamin, Mineral and Supplements) segment “Produced about $32 billion in revenue for just nutritional supplements alone in 2012, the segment is projected to double that by topping $60 billion in 2021 according to the Nutritional Business Journal.

According to Partnership Capital Growth partner Brian Smith, a leading industry expert since 2000, the reason for the growth is it has gone mainstream. “Ten years ago, it was just the muscleheads and the weekend warriors. Now, it’s the full spectrum with men and especially women,” he said.

Former NFL player Brad Pyatt, founder of MusclePharm, “people see the need to stay healthy with the uncertainty of Medicaid and Medicare and so they were seeking alternative ways to do it.”

All this may be true, and maybe I’m feeling my age, but this is the year I am committed to living a full and active life with increased focus on fitness and especially nutrition. I’ve been working towards this point for a while. Last year I decided to put myself on an intensive fitness regime of working with a personal trainer three days a week. I know, it’s not cheap, but it’s an investment in myself. After a couple of months, my husband decided to join us. Now the two of us meet with Alexandra Bicanic at a local gym called Fitness Connection at least twice a week and try to supplement our training time with self directed workouts at least two more days a week. We’ve had our body fat measured (horrible) and our fitness and balance capabilities calculated.

I found my goals were changing from my younger days. Instead of watching the scale or measuring the width of my waste, I was now noting increased energy, muscle definition and strength. And my knees, not the sexiest part of the body (although I had often teased that if I hadn’t had a kneecap in my younger pre-teen days, I wouldn’t have had a figure) where a focus point. I had try to avoid straining them for years knowing that one was bad and the other worse. Almost twenty years ago I had been diagnosed during my cycling days with chondromalacia, often called Runner's Knee. Chondromalacia occurs because of irritation of the cartilage on the undersurface of the kneecap. The only advice given to me at the time was to not over-use the knees. Not advice I could take as I was on day four of a fourteen-day bike event. Now Alex was teaching me to make my glutes do the work to support my knees. She was working on balance of function and structure. A fluke of genetics and thanks to cycling and the afore-mentioned step classes, I had over-developed my quads and now needed to spend time working on the glutes. In balance they protect my knees. I’m able to run up stairs, twist and turn. It’s a wonderful thing.

After almost a year of working with Alex I am proud to say I was able to help my mother clean out her house (can I say pack rat?) and move into a retirement home without the need of chiropractic or RMT intervention. Alex’s focus on full-body movement or “functional training” is different from past experiences at a gym in the days of high-intensity step workouts. Those were the days of a set circuit of machines, pumping my arms and legs in a series of reps that required little thought or focus. Now we’re moving the whole body and largely using my own body weight – focus is everything.

I remember during the 1980s, Rachel Welch saying that if a sixteen year old does not have a good body, nature is not kind, but if a sixty year old does not have a good body, it’s laziness. That might be a bit harsh, but has elements of truth. I know that if I want to stay fit, I need to remain active every day of my life. The only way I can expect to stay in great condition is to work at it. Is it worth it? Sometimes it would be a lot easier to stay on the couch but I know if I want to face the next phase of my life with energy and good health, I have to stay with the plan.

Quote from Forbes

Green Skincare… what does that mean to you?

Green. What does the word mean to you? What does it mean to the cosmetic industry?

Is there any subject in the beauty industry more confusing than natural skincare?

Everybody wants to be “green”. At least that’s how it seems. But what does “green” or “natural” or “organic” really mean when it comes to skincare? The simple answer… in Canada, not much. That’s because Canada has no legal definition for what constitutes a “natural” ingredient or claim. Beauty and cosmetic companies are free to use the term as they like. And “natural” is a great marketing tool that increases sales.

So where does that leave you, the consumer? You want to look after yourself. You know that your world is getting more and more polluted and you’d like to “get back to basics”. It means you need to do a little research.

But that’s only part of the problem, even if a product is fully natural doesn’t mean that it’s the best for you to use. Some of the most irritating ingredients are “all natural”.

Yet with all this confusion, the “natural” skincare industry is growing 15 to 30 percent per year. That’s far faster than traditional skincare and beauty segments.

What to look for when buying natural skincare?

One way of finding quality green cosmeceuticals is to look for European products. Europe or the EU has very definite criteria for products to be labeled either “natural” or “organic”. Products with the “Ecocert” label from France or “BDIH” from Germany meet stricter standards that are administered by an independent institute. Products must contain only the safest natural ingredients, and be created and packaged in an environmentally and socially responsible manner.

Take a closer look at how a product is made

But being “natural” is only part of the answer. We are now living in an era of environmental and social responsibility, where it’s equally important to respect nature as it is to use nature. This means that not only what is inside the jar is important, but also how it’s made and packaged.

Look for effectiveness

Making sure a product lives up to its claims of effectiveness is almost as hard as making sure it’s green. This time look to the company and its guarantee of effectiveness. So what can you do? Begin by asking questions, visit websites and do your research. Remember, your dollars and where you spend them, have great influence. (Originally published in Elm Street Magazine 2001)

Positive self esteem is only a few words away

Simple everyday thoughts can lead to a greater sense of well-being.

The original idea for this post came from Leslie Goldman at ivillage.com. In her article, she was writing to 30 somethings. I think her concept needs to be applied to all women.

Somewhere around the end of the 1960s society seemed to move from optimism to pessimism. Now instead of the “Leave it to Beaver” world we lived in a “Sammie and Rosie Get Laid” land of pessimism and urban decay.

And all that negativity has had a correspondingly negative impact on our psyche. We tend to measure ourselves against unreasonable images and ideals only designed to ensure continued angst. But what if we focused on the positive and not the negative? What if we found reasons to smile instead of criticize? Think about it, if the message in a simple fortune cookie can bring a smile to your face –“The sun always shines after a downpour” – imagine what a whole month full of positive sayings can do for your self-esteem! According to Rosie Molinary author of “Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance”, changing our mindset begins by changing our language.

It all begins in the simplest of ways. Just think, the next time you’re at a party and someone asks you if you’re dating, instead of responding with the negative – “Only losers! I guess I don’t attract the good guys”, think of the positive “No one that deserves me.” Or when a friend comments on how hot you look in your new mini skirt, instead of the knee-jerk “Thank you Spanx”, think “Thank you and you look great too.”

Spreading the love also brings it home to you. If you’ve ever had a random woman on the street admire your sundress or ask where you get your hair styled, you know the power of an unsolicited female compliment. The next time you see something you like, say so. Reach out to a girlfriend, your mom or sister and compliment them on your favourite personality quirk or quality that you admire about them. They’ll feel better and so will you. Positivism begets positivism. Doing good things for others and yourself sets up a positive cycle of self affirmation.

You know that pricey perfume sitting on your vanity that you only use for ‘special occasions’? Or the really hot high heels that you save for weddings only? Or the chichi sports bra that still has the tags on it because you want to make it below 145 pounds before you wear it? Use ‘em now!

The reason for the break in posts

Just after I first started this blog, I also started blogging for work. I quickly found time constraints affecting the amount of blogging I could do for myself, so I'm going to reprint a couple of the articles that I most liked. Check back and find out about issues of self esteem, aging and menopause. All fun stuff, eh?

Raising funds for Mount Sinai Hospital

We're late getting involved so we need help with raising funds ASAP. Anything you can give will help. Please connect with this page http://my.e2rm.com/PersonalPage.aspx?registrationID=2202674&langPref=en-CA

Joe and I are participating in this year's Chef's Challenge® for the Mount Sinai Hopital. The money raised through Chef’s Challenge® supports care and research in women’s cancers at Mount Sinai Hospital. Support goes to physicians and researchers so that they can investigate new approaches to prevent, diagnose and treat women’s cancers, bringing us closer to a cure.

Cancer has touched everyone's lives. My mother, sister-in-law, and many friends are all breast cancer survivors, so this is something really important.

Funds will help:
Support women’s cancer research at the Lunenfeld-Tanenbaum Research Institute at Mount Sinai Hospital - one of the leading biomedical research facilities in the world, bringing a healthier future to Canadians through breakthroughs in health and disease.

Advance the work of the Marvelle Koffler Breast Centre -a premiere facility specializing in breast health and disease that helps 33,000 women every year.